So, can I tell you why this bugs me? Don’t get me wrong, I think love and enduring love especially are amazing things. And, yes, for a relationship to work for a long time you have to put in a lot of work. On the surface, this is a touching and lovely thing. But allow me and my emotional baggage to rant for a moment:
I’m divorced. My parents are divorced. For our situations, divorce was the best option. You can’t fix a relationship if the other person has already given up and walked away. When I see this quote, I get a little edgy because it feels like people are saying you shouldn’t ever throw away a broken relationship.
Often times, you have to. A broken or toxic relationship can really harm you if you continue to try and save it. There’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in saying, “I tried. It didn’t work and now I have to think about me and my future.”
I also have a lot of feelings about the history of the institution of marriage and how it’s viewed by society as the ultimate in an expression of love and commitment. It’s a legal contract. That’s really all it is. For some people, that contract can be great. For others, it can be really damaging. Again, I see no shame in realizing the legal contract you entered in to isn’t working and terminating it. If that’s what you need to do in order to live better, then do it.
I don’t know. For someone who has been through a divorce, I get kind of tired of society’s assumption that it’s an easy out. It’s not easy. It’s not easy emotionally, mentally, financially. It’s not something you just do. “Oh hey you know I was cool with being married but now I am kinda bored. Think I’ll just go get a divorce!” It almost never happens that way. Making the decision to get a divorce is hard and it hurts. It’s so very far from easy.
I also don’t think long-term committed relationships are the ultimate end goal for every one. I think for a lot of us there will be several people that we love and love passionately. But just because those relationships don’t last for decades doesn’t mean they weren’t important and amazing and wonderful. It doesn’t mean someone gave up along the way. It just means those relationships ran their course and the individuals involved can move on, be happy, and still appreciate that period of time with the other person.
FEELS. I just have a lot of feels, ok?
Okay, I’m not much of a relationship/divorce expert but this is a good reality check for people who thinks its easy.
